It is Well with My Soul (Unbothered)

First, I want to apologize for the pause. Second, I want to say that I'm not here to talk about nameless. In fact, this blog is solely about me, my thoughts, and what going through this part of my journey looks like. I really don't wanna mention him at all after this blog post because he's no longer relevant. Haha, I sound like I'm over him, huh? That's because I am. See, you know you're not completely over someone when the thought of them being with someone else bothers you, even if it's just a tad. But I don't even care. That thought doesn't bother me one bit. Honestly, I most recently came to this revelation like last week, so I'm still feeling this out. As of now, however, I've never felt so free from that feeling of losing someone. I mean, let's face it, I lost him a long time ago when he became an emotionless caveman from internalizing so much instead of talking to me. Anyway, I can't explain it but I really just don't care.

I know I said I'd talk about what was stopping me from moving forward so let me get to that. I said that if nameless crossed my mind I'd go right back to analyzing things, and sometimes I'd even tear up (just a tad bit). But what was stopping me? Me wanting him back in my life? No (I already came to the conclusion that that probably wasn't gonna happen anytime soon if not at all). It was literally what he left me with. He left me with so much pain, that I wasn't prepared to handle. So, when he crossed my mind I wouldn't think about him or how I missed him, no. I thought about the things he did and said that left me confused and hurt. I thought about how I literally put all that energy into him just to see him treat me like a stranger, and look like he wasn't bothered one bit about it. And it made me so angry all over again. So, it wasn't him stopping me from moving forward, it was the trauma that he caused, and the anger that followed every time I was reminded about it. I literally had to go through all of that without any type of closure, and so I continuously kept reliving it. Yeah no, it's not fun. BUT I can say that I never imagined that I wouldn't not care about that whole situation with nameless. 

This also gives me insight for other situations that may occur in my life: It really does get better. So instead of putting all of that mental energy into something that bothers me, I'm going to force my mind to be at ease. Even if I feel torn, confused, or angry about something, that situation will eventually pass, and it will be well with my soul in the end. 

Until Next Time